Julie's
|
My name is Julie Wild and I am a sex, love and intimacy coach in Atlanta Georgia. I work with men, ladies and couples who are experiencing problems and issues in their relationship. I work with men who feel the sizzle is missing from their marriage, I work with ladies who feel their husbands take them for granted. I work with couples who feel the intimacy is lacking in their bedroom.Here are a few topics to explore in your relationship to build a better marriage: 1) Is the passion still in the marriage? Do you look at your spouse or significant other and sill get that warm and fuzzy feeling? Does your spouse look at you and feel the same way? The first step to a healthy relationship is to take a look in the mirror. Have you changed since high school or college. Have you given up on yourself, have you gained weight, stopped taking care of your body? 2) The sexual self. If you are not happy with your self, you can't expect your partner to make you happy. If you are having problems maintaining an erection, lack of sexual desire, difficulty becoming lubricated, premature ejaculation, not finding sexual pleasure. It might be time to look at your self. It might not be your partners problem. 3) Sex between two people. As I have mentioned over and over in my weekly advice column. Sex is not something you do to someone else, it is the entire whole body experience. Stop trying to please your partner and start learning to enjoy the sexual experience yourself. Learn to be a little more selfish. 4) Silence, shame and fear learned at an early age. So many of the clients I talk with share similar stories of being made to feel sex or ones body is bad. Masturbation and self exploration is 100% natural, yet so many parents teach their children sex is bad or dirty. If you learned sex is bad, maybe you have some issues or unfounded fears. My advice is to get professional help. 5) Sex and the media. Unfortunately Madison Avenue advertising agencies promote beautiful women on TV, magazines and newspapers. The hit TV shows portray women as sex symbols. This is no different than seeing an escort, they always look their best and have a zest for intimacy, during those few hours you are with them. In real life, people don't act like actors and actresses 24 hours a day. Keep this in mind the next time you compare your partner to a movie star. I like to tell my clients, whenever my husband says, why don't you look like Jessica Simpson, I remind him that if I did, I would be on TV and in the movies and not living in Atlanta with him. Don't forget, movie stars go home after work and put on their flannel PJ's just like the rest of us. 6) What's normal. There is no simple answer what is normal. Some couples have sex 7 nights a week, others have sex 1 a month and they are happy. Everyone has a different sexual drive or desire. I met a man one time that masturbated 7 times a day. I also know men who have an orgasm twice a year. I think having intimacy in a relationship is more important than sex. In your later years, just cuddling with your partner is all it takes. Early on in a relationship, sex is a novel idea, as time goes on, it should become more meaningful and satisfying. 7) Gender stereotypes. If you are your partner enjoy the pleasure of the same sex, try to stay away from labeling or stereotyping. I have met men who consider themselves straight as an arrow, yet when they are in a MFM threesome, and the energy is at it's peak, they have been known to enjoy the intimacy of another man. Does this mean he is gay. Absolutely not, this just means that in the right situation, he enjoyed sharing sexual energy with another partner. 8) Past sexual issues. If you experienced sexual trauma in your life, you might need to see a professional or discuss it with your partner. Many of the clients I see have experienced sexual trauma in their life and have allowed this negative experience to hinder their current sexual enjoyment. 9) Sexual attraction. If you find yourself sexually attracted to someone other than your partner, maybe visually bring that person into your relationship, without the risk of ever having sexual relations with that person. In my marriage, I am often attracted to men my husband works with. I would never risk asking one of them to come home and join us in a threesome. So while we are in bed, I bring up the subject of bringing one of these men into our bed. We talk about it, visualize he is in bed with us and even talk about it the next morning over coffee. This way it is our little secret and there is no risk of embarrassment or rejection. 10) Fantasies. This is the most normal thought process known to mankind. Fantasies are a great stress release and often are the best form of foreplay. If you have a unique fantasy, share it with your partner, let your partner know what you are thinking. There is nothing wrong with having fantasies. I hope you enjoyed my top ten list of relationship building suggestions. If you would like help with a specific question or topic, please e mail me directly at Julie@JulieWild.com |
|
 |
